i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
