Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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