dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
