He asked to "fluff my boner.."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize