The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
