Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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