I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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