YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
