About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
