the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
