three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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