he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
