I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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