U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
