Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
