i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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