some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sorry my hands just texted you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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