Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
