I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
