i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
