I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
