atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
