Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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