I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize