Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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