The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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