So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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