I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
