He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
