Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
