i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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