reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my liver is dry heaving
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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