i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
