i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
