i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
send nudes
from the living room?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
