This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
