it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize