I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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