he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
