Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
