During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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