The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
