God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
