I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
