I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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