I want to walk on stilts...naked
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
