I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
