I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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