it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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