I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize