I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
