Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
