Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
