some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
