apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A+ Viking dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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