I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
