Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
