He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He passed out mid-signature
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
