he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
