He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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