did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam