whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.