I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.