This girl is more easily done than said...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.