the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.