I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
