so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
