I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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