yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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