my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
