sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
